Archive for July 28th, 2009
The debate over proposed changes to Israeli divorce laws has made its way to the Knesset, where interested parties are meeting to hash out a compromise in a dialogue that could stretch into the next legislative session.
Supported by a host of women’s rights groups, one plan seeks to eliminate the so-called “race to file,” where the first partner in a couple who files for divorce determines which jurisdiction will handle related issues such as alimony, child support and inheritance.
Jewish rabbinical courts maintain exclusive jurisdiction over marriage and divorce cases, however the related issues can be decided in either civil or rabbinical court.
“As it happens there’s this race where the woman would want to file this alimony action in the civil court and the husband would like to file it in the rabbinical court because rabbinical court tends to favor the husband, whereas the civil court tends to be more generous for the woman,” said Michael Karayanni, a law professor at Hebrew University Faculty of Law.
A group of traditional and liberal Orthodox rabbis, women’s groups, lawyers and other parties are meeting at the Knesset to voice their opinions on the matter.
“In this process we will build together,” said MK Otniel Schneller (Kadima), who is hosting the discussion. “It is much easier to be open, to change the atmosphere by giving support to both sides.”
Schneller, who is modern Orthodox, said he wants to serve as a bridge between the progressive and conservative wings of Israeli society in hopes of promoting reconciliation. Schneller was instrumental in 2007 in lobbying for a law adopted by the Knesset that allows religious and secular courts to automatically and equally divide the assets of couples whose divorce proceedings extend beyond nine months.
“We have a lot of tools, we need to choose what is the best,” Schneller said. “What is most important to me is the process and making sure that all perspectives are heard.”
The International Coalition for Aguna Rights, a coalition of nearly 30 women’s groups, is pushing for reforms to divorce policies, saying both parties in a divorce must consent to have the matters supplementary to a divorce brought before a rabbinical court.
Marc Luria, ICAR’s volunteer lobbyist in the Knesset and government, said their battle was an uphill one.
“Israel has something which is the status quo,” Luria said. “They’ve basically frozen things in place.” Luria said some 80 percent of current supplementary divorce cases in Israel land up in civil court and the remaining 20% involve predominantly Orthodox couples.
“It’ll be a big fight. Ultra-Orthodox fight anything that in any way hurts authority of religious courts,” said Luria, who pointed out that most of the women pushing for the reforms are religious themselves and see it rather as a matter of how much time should elapse between the filing date and the actual continuation of the case in either civil or rabbinical court.
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1248277906159&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull
The report “Out of Court Resolutions of Violence Against Women” has been written as a part of the project “Ending violence against Women”. The aim of the report is to convey an idea of the perceptions of domestic violence and resolution of domestic violence at the community level. In interviewing over 300 people in five very different communities, impressions reflecting actual realities of the different kinds of domestic violence and resolution processes that exist in these communities are presented.
“Ending violence against Women” began in Cambodia in 2007. The project is supported by DanChurchAid over a period of three years. It will be concluded in December 2009.
Domestic violence affects the whole society
It is clear that many people are affected by domestic violence – survivors who suffer violence and inept attempts at resolving their situations, authorities who would like to better assist domestic violence victims but are hampered by their low technical skills and traditional attitudes and community members who witness the violence, intervene and often assist parties in resolving the situation.
Lack of knowledge prevents resolutions It is also clear that many people within these groups do not have the necessary attitudes, skills and the knowledge to resolve these situations in order to prevent further violence and that cultural norms, traditional attitudes and discriminatory treatment of female domestic violence survivors continue to prevent meaningful and gender sensitive resolutions of domestic violence.
The communities in the report vary in size, population, socio-economic sectors, industries and job, age, sex, education, differing levels of NGO intervention, remoteness and isolation yet they have one thing in common. Across every community, perceptions of domestic violence are largely the same, resolution processes of domestic violence are much the same and the attitudes towards domestic violence survivors and towards domestic violence in general, discriminate against these people by placing value on cultural norms over the safety, wishes and well-being of the survivor.
Download report: Out of Court Resolutions of Violence Against Women 1.10 MB
It is interesting to see that in five very different communities in Cambodia women suffering domestic violence are not only suffering from the effects of violence but are suffering from the resolution process itself.
Partners in the project “Ending violence against Women”:
ADHOC, CDP, CWCC, Folkekirkens Nødhjælp/Christian Aid and other DanChurchAid/Christian Aid-partners, who focus on violence against women: LICADHO, TPO, NGO CEDAW, GAD-C, PK
http://www.alertnet.org/thenews/fromthefield/danchaid/5855b2224bd9f3014942778971de4a35.htm
Hundreds of people participated on Saturday in Luanda in a march against domestic violence, which was dubbed “Zero Tolerance”.
The march was held in the ambit of the commemorations of the African Women Day, to be marked on July 31.
During the event, which took place under the theme “Impact of the financial crisis in the life of families”, the participants walked past the Deolinda Rodrigues Avenue, the Independence Square, Ho Chi Min Avenue, Hoji-ya-Henda Avenue, culminating in Cidadela sports complex.
The march aimed to sensitise citizens about the various forms of violence, consequences, the advantages of being tolerant at home, in school, at work, and in the street, as well as the need to denounce all types of aggression.
The march, which was organised by the provincial department of family issues and promotion of women, was attended by the minister with this portfolio, Genoveva Lino, the Luanda governor, Francisca do Espírito Santo, and the vice-president of the ruling MPLA party, Roberto de Almeida, among other officials.
The landmark Sexual Offences Bill, which reforms and amalgamates various laws relating to rape, incest and other sexual offences, was finally passed by the Senate last Friday.
The Bill will repeal the Incest (Punishment) Act, as well as several provisions of the Offences Against the Person Act. It also provides for the establishment of a Sex Offenders Registry, which will maintain a register of sex offenders.
It was passed in the House of Representatives on March 31, tabled in the Senate in April and the debate started in May. However, over a lengthy process in the Senate, 28 amendments were made before the Bill was passed.
These amendments cover a number of crucial provisions, including: violation of persons suffering from mental disorders; procuring violations by threats, fraud or administering drugs; abduction of children to have sexual intercourse; unlawful detention to have sexual intercourse; living on earnings from prostitution; and protecting the anonymity of complainants and witnesses.
The Bill also provides a statutory definition of rape, as well as provisions relating to marital rape, specifying the circumstances in which such rape may be committed.
It was piloted through the Senate by Attorney General and Minister of Justice, Senator Dorothy Lightbourne, who is also the leader of Government business.
Lightbourne noted that the Bill was examined rigorously by the Senate and that the members had, in large part, made useful comments on the provisions.
Senator Navel Clarke who spoke on behalf of the Opposition members, welcomed its passage. He described the Bill as being “in the interest of the people”, and expressed the hope that the Senate will continue in that direction.
Gender experts weigh in
Executive Director of the Bureau of Women’s Affairs (BWA), Faith Webster, said the Bill would go a far way in protecting the women in society who are often times victimised.
“It has been a long time in coming, but we have reached there; and I think now in Jamaica we are even ahead of some of our other Caribbean counterparts. They have been watching closely too and commending us to know that we have reached this stage now, and now we are looking forward to the drafting now, and the finalisation of this Bill, so that it can be implemented,” she said.
She said she was especially pleased with the fact that consultations had taken place on all levels before the bill was passed and that parliamentarians were able to work with other stakeholders to ensure that it was okay.
“I was heartened to see the level of discussions, and the dialogue also that took place even at the parliamentary levels. That showed that there was keen interest in what was happening,” she said.
She said while there were reservations on some aspect of the bill, it was able to capture most of the essential issues that Jamaican’s had to grapple with.
“I can’t say that any piece of legislation is ever fool-proof or perfect and the laws to me are not static. This is why we have a mandate as a country at large to constantly review and to assess, and to analyse and to see what’s happening in the law, what’s happening in the courts with the piece of legislation, to ensure that if it is not working as it should, what it is that we need to amend,” she said.
Former president of Woman Inc and attorney-at-law Dundeen Ferguson, said she was especially pleased with the fact that the Bill dealt with the issue of marital rape, which has been a major concern for persons who worked in gender-related fields.
“In terms of our working with women and the increases in sexual assault against young girls and women who are being abused by their husbands, I think the legislation would work very well,” she said.
“We are very happy that it’s now coming into law. When you talk about almost 15 years of advocating for amendments to the Incest Punishment Act and amendments to various sections of the Offences against the Persons Act, looking at the central issues regarding women and sexual offences, we are very happy that it has passed,” she said of the bill.
Director of the “men’s desk” at the BWA, Dave Williams, said he too was in support of the Bill.
“Anything that protects the rights of women, we feel that it is a victory for men as well, because we believe in gender equality, and so if it protects one, then it will protect all. Anything that empowers women, we are happy for that and we welcome that,” he said.
Meanwhile, women’s activist and chairperson of the Women’s Resource and Outreach Centre (WROC), Linnette Vassell believes the legislation was gender neutral. Furthermore, she noted that, “When women’s rights are advanced, it provides a wake-up call to men on a whole to allow them to know about what is permissible within the law.
“It is a family law and healthy families mean healthier communities and nations on a whole,” she said.
Other reactions
“FINALLY! There are still a few provisions that could have been less restrictive/more liberal but perhaps on a next round when can expect (more) enlightenment. Big up to the Bureau, the women’s NGOs, the concerned ministries and individuals who really pushed this through from start to finish. Now for implementation and monitoring – and training of course – so the work will continue.”
– Taitu Heron, manager, Social Development & Gender Unit, Planning Institute of Jamaica (PIOJ)
“Aaaaat laaaast! We have come a long way. Congrats are in order for all who truly hold on to the dream, that one day we will reach the mountain top.”
– Lana Finikin, SISTREN Theatre Collective
“Remember that several amendments were made to the Bill by the Senate which now need to be studied carefully. These amendments also mean that the Bill goes back to the House for approval before it is law, therefore the celebrations may be a little too soon.”
– Nancy Anderson, IJCHR
Welfare and Social Services Minister Isaac Herzog has demanded that the Finance Ministry immediately release some NIS 16 million in left-over funding for an already approved initiative aimed to both improve treatment for victims of rape and sexual assault and to assist those wanting to escape the sex industry.
Speaking at a session of the Knesset Committee on the Status of Women, he called to examine the achievements of the two-year-old program, which has been touted by the previous government as a “completely new way for treating rape victims.”
Herzog said a large portion of funds promised for the work had not yet been used and he urged the Treasury to immediately release the money so that his ministry could continue developing the initiative.
“We are talking about a program that is at the heart of our office and which offers all female victims the assistance they need,” said Herzog, highlighting that the program’s budget was only designed to last until 2010. “Releasing the funds for this program will allow us to create new methods to deal with this sensitive issue.”
Split into two sections, one dealing with victims of rape and sexual assault and the other designed to provide rehabilitation services for people who worked in prostitution, those who have been working on the project said great strides had been made in the past two years.
For rape victims, three new crisis centers are under development in Jerusalem, Beersheba and Nazareth, while three existing places in Haifa, Rishon Lezion and Tel Aviv have already been renovated and expanded.
In addition, the program aimed at assisting sex industry workers has established a successful mobile unit in Tel Aviv providing medical care and advice, as well as an emergency hot line, a daycare center and a hostel for those who want to break free.
“This program literally saves lives,” said Committee on the Status of Women chairwoman Tzipi Hotovely (Likud). “It is aimed at helping some of the weakest people in the population who in the past did not receive any kind of assistance.”
However, there was still a very long way to go in terms of improving the program’s overall results, she added.
Yael Ballas-Avni, director of the Association of Rape Crisis Centers, Jerusalem branch, who was present at Monday’s hearing, said that even though she was buoyed by the dedication of government professionals to improve services for rape victims and former sex industry workers, greater investment was still needed.
“If one in three women in this country is a victim of sexual assault, then it is clear that six centers treating 100 women each is not enough,” she said, quoting her organization’s statistics.
A Finance Ministry spokesman said the budget for the program was approved by the Prime Minister’s Office and that left-over funds from the 2007 state budget had already been added to that of 2008.
He added that additional funding left over from 2008 had not yet been transferred to this year’s budget, because that was only approved by the Knesset last week.
http://www.jpost.com/servlet/Satellite?cid=1248277906153&pagename=JPost%2FJPArticle%2FShowFull
The National Commission for Women (NCW) along with its Delhi wing urged the central government to address the grievances of rape victims with sensitivity.
Several advocates, NGO workers and the members of the NCW and the Delhi Commission for Women (DCW) held a seminar to discuss the guidelines approved by the Delhi High Court a few months back to tackle sexual offences with more sensitivity.
Girija Vyas, chairperson of NCW, pointed out that there is lack of sensitivity in the country towards sexually assaulted women and children.
“The civil society needs to take care of rape and molestation victims. I feel that the government should be more sensitive. We have seen cases in Mumbai, Madhya Pradesh and the most recent case in Patna that just shows how careless and insensitive people and the police are towards the victims. There is a need for awareness and change in the mindset of the people,” Vyas said.
DCW chairperson Barkha Singh said: “There is a need for the authorities to tackle sexual offences with sensitivity and care. Of late, there has been an increase in the number of rape and molestation cases and we need to make sure that the victims are provided with proper counselling and also police should also be sensitised on how to handle such cases.”
Hoping that the scheme would be implemented soon, Singh added: “We have spoken to Delhi Chief Minister Shiela Dikshit and she assured us that the government will look into the matter soon.”
Several guidelines submitted by the DCW to the Delhi High Court suggest that the Delhi Police introduce a Crisis Intervention Centre.
It also recommends presence of policewomen in police stations round the clock and formation of a Sexual Assault Forsenic Evidence (SAFE) kit consisting of a set of items used by medical personnel for gathering and preserving physical evidence following a sexual assault.
The apex court in 1995 felt that it was necessary to set up a Criminal Injustice Compensation Board.
The women’s groups also sought the suggestions of advocates and police officers so as to improve the guidelines for relief and rehabilitation of victims of rape.
Ravi Kanth, advocate of Supreme Court, said: “There is no mention of the victims of gang rape in the scheme. The scheme says that the compensation to the victim will be provided within three weeks, which is too late. This needs to be reviewed.”
US teens are getting sex education, but most are not learning about birth control from their parents, new government data shows.
And rates of infection with sexually transmitted diseases reflect this — the annual rate of AIDS diagnoses for boys aged 15 to 19 years has nearly doubled in the past 10 years, and rates of syphilis are also up.
The numbers show that U.S. youth need better sex education, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said.
The new administration of President Barack Obama has been dropping some of the more controversial policies of the former Bush government, including an emphasis on abstinence-only education.
“The data presented in this report indicate that many young persons in the United States engage in sexual risk behavior and experience negative reproductive health outcomes,” the CDC wrote in its weekly report on death and disease.
For its report, the CDC compiled data from many different studies of hundreds of thousands of children and young adults aged 10 to 25. Some of the findings:
* Among 18 and 19-year-olds, 49.8 percent of girls and just 35 percent of boys had talked with a parent about methods of birth control.
* More than 80 percent of boys and girls said they had received formal instruction before age 18 on how to say no to sex.
* Nearly 70 percent of teen girls and 66 percent of boys had received instruction on methods of birth control.
* Thirty percent of girls aged 15 to 17 reported they had engaged in sex; this rose to 70.6 of girls aged 18 to 19.
* For boys, 31.6 of those aged 15 to 17 had ever had sex; 64.7 percent of those aged 18 to 19.
* Nearly 10 percent of young women aged 18 to 24 said their first intercourse was involuntary.
* Infections with the human immune deficiency virus that causes AIDS rose among boys aged 15 to 19 from from 1.3 cases per 100,000 in 1997 to 2.5 cases in 2006.
* Syphilis rates for females aged 15 to 19 rose from 1.5 cases per 100,000 in 2004 to 2.2 cases per 100,000 in 2006 after having plunged between 1997 and 2005.
Behind the bright lights of the Las Vegas Strip, there’s a seedy underworld.
“So how many dates tonight?” a vice investigative officer asks a girl. “Seven dates,” she said. “Seven dates – and you’re getting 100 bucks a date?” asks the agent. The girl nods.
“The reality is that a lot of people come to Las Vegas and they think that prostitution is legal,” said Lt. Karen Hughes with the Las Vegas vice squad. “So when they come here and it’s an adult playground they think that kids are for sale.”
Some of the kids are as young as 12 – part of a massive workforce of prostitutes, some 35,000 strong, who operate in casinos, clubs, hotels and the streets along the Vegas strip, reports CBS News anchor Katie Couric.
CBS News spent one night with an undercover vice squad from the city’s police department. Six women were arrested in five hours – two of them were under 18.
“How come you’re down on the strip this hour of the night?” asked an agent. “I was just walking,” said a girl, sobbing. “There are a lot of bad things that can happen out here to a girl your age,” the agent said.
Tina – who CBS News disguised for her own safety – used to be one of those girls. Raised by an absentee mother who worked as a call girl, she was lured into prostitution by a pimp posing as a rap star looking for girls to star in a music video.
“I remember turning my first trick at 12 years old, and after that it was kind of like a whatever thing,” Tina said. “I did it once, I might as well do it again.”
By 17, Tina was strung out on drugs, had been arrested several times, and was being abused by her pimp. She hit rock bottom.
“I looked at myself in the mirror one day, and I didn’t even recognize myself,” Tina said. “I just cried and said, ‘What am I doing with my life?’ I didn’t care about anything. I didn’t want to live anymore.”
After her last arrest she was placed in a group home where a former prostitute helped her find a job and get off the streets.
Tina’s story is hardly unusual. Underage prostitution in Sin City is on the rise. In the last two years nearly 400 girls under the age of 18 have been arrested or detained by the Vegas vice squad. Half the pimps arrested this year had prostitutes who were underage. And these girls are not all from Nevada – 60 percent come from other states across the country.
“I believe now that children have become a commodity for these pimps no different than drugs and running guns,” Hughes said. “They’re just reusable.”
Reusable and caught in a vicious cycle. Because they’re underage, the girls aren’t jailed. Instead, they’re temporarily placed into detention centers or group homes where resources are limited. As a result, 80 percent run right back to the streets and into the arms of their pimps.
For Judge William Voy, this is unacceptable. For the past four years Voy is the only judge presiding over the “teen prostitution court” in Las Vegas. His frustration shows.
“How is the system failing these kids?” Couric asked. “We are failing these children because we’re failing to recognize the problem,” Voy said. “We get one jurisdiction that deals with the problem effectively, they just move them somewhere else. You need a concerted nationwide effort – you need national attention to this.”
A small plot of land on the outskirts of Las Vegas is where Voy hopes to build a model for the nation. He wants to establish a specialized safe house staffed by probation officers and social workers who can de-program girls who believe pimps are their protectors – a place where the girls are not permitted to leave.
He’s driven by faces he sees every day – part of a generation of young lives already destroyed before they’ve even had a chance to grow up.
“See that 12 year old, or 13 or 14 year old standing in front of you, and you look at that child and go, ‘Oh my God, this is what’s happening to you and been happening to you?’ I can’t let that persist,” Voy said.
The recession has put his vision on hold. So the lot sits empty. And in the city of bright lights, countless teens live in the shadows, with the odds against them and nowhere to turn.
Until public funds become available, Voy is looking to the private sector to fund his safe house. To learn more about the safe house, click here. http://nevadachild.tripod.com/
From CBS Evening News Katie Couric Reports: “The Lost Girls”
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/07/23/eveningnews/main5184308.shtml which also has links to a video of the report.
Sex workers in Taiwan have cautiously welcomed a government plan to legalise prostitution, but the scheme is being opposed by an alliance of women’s groups who fear it will breed crime and violence.
A red-light area similar to Amsterdam’s famed canalside sex-for-sale district has been proposed for the capital Taipei, with legal and zoning measures due in place within six months.
Prostitutes and their supporters say they see a ray of hope after many years of campaigning for legalisation to protect them from both customers and police, but some are concerned about being moved into special zones.
“I hope the government will allow us to stay where we are and give us legal protection,” said one prostitute who wanted to be identified as Hsiao-feng. “I don’t want to move to a new place to start again.”
Hsiao-feng earns a living in Taipei’s Wanhua district, which is believed to be home to thousands of sex workers plying their trade illegally even though prostitution was outlawed in the city in 1997.
“Who wants to have red-light districts near homes?” she asks. “The government would have to put us in the mountains but then we can’t make a living because nobody wants to travel that far.”
Observers say paid-for sex remains big business and the ban has driven it underground, where brothels operate under euphemistic names such as tea houses, massage parlours, clubs and even skin-care salons.
There are also women known as “liu ying” or “floating orioles” — a metaphor for flirtatious and seductive women — who find patrons on the streets.
There is no official record on the scale of Taiwan’s sex industry but the advocacy group Collective of Sex Workers and Supporters (COSWAS) estimates that it involves 400,000 people and is worth 60 billion Taiwan dollars (1.8 billion US) a year.
“Right now we are helpless when customers don’t pay, or even rob or hurt us,” Hsiao-feng told AFP.
“We have to watch out for the police and their informants because we can end up in prison if caught.”
Prostitutes face three days in detention or a fine of up to 30,000 Taiwan dollars if arrested, while their clients go unpunished.
“The government should protect sex workers’ human rights and stop treating them like criminals,” says COSWAS chief Chung Chun-chu. “It should allow a blanket decriminalisation to regulate the sex trade.”
The public is divided on the issue, with 42.3 percent supporting the plan to legalise prostitution while 38.8 percent oppose it and the rest are undecided, according to a poll by the local China Times.
Arielle Su, an elementary school teacher in Taipei, says legalising the sex trade cuts both ways.
“I think it can help prevent sex crimes as some people have needs and they would prey on the general public if they are unsatisfied,” she said. “But as a mother and a teacher I am also concerned that it would corrupt morals.”
A dozen local women’s groups have formed an alliance against legalising prostitution, warning that it would encourage crime and injustice against women.
“We oppose making prostitution a legal industry because it fosters sexual violence and exploitation of women,” said Chi Hui-jung, head of The Garden of Hope Foundation.
Chi pointed out that the Dutch authorities were reducing the size of Amsterdam’s red-light district due to concern over criminal activities such as human smuggling and money laundering.
“The government should offer welfare programmes and job incentives to women so they won’t go into prostitution out of economic desperation,” Chi said.
Hsiao-feng, a 45-year-old divorcee, says it is difficult for street walkers like her, with little education or job skills, to find regular work.
“I don’t like what I do for a living but I have to raise my children and pay the bills. I don’t regret becoming a sex worker. I just hope the government will protect my safety so I am not always at the mercy of others,” she said.
http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gMr0lKl9OmTfK-3OZ0yr4Z4wozWg
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Guyana must now be one of the most dangerous places for a woman to live
28 July 2009 in Domestic Violence, Men Against VAW, Opinion Comment, South America, Violence Against Women
Stop This Slaughter
By Luke Daniels
Guyana must now be one of the most dangerous places for a woman to live with regular newspaper reports of women brutally murdered by their partners. It is time to put a stop to this senseless slaughter of women. Growing up in Guyana my father always cautioned me and my brothers not to hit girls as it was cowards who hit women. What has happened to our men that we think it is ok to abuse and even kill women?
For too long we have been encouraged to believe that what happens between a husband and wife is not our business. This attitude has left our sisters, aunts, mothers, daughters and friends vulnerable to abuse with no one to come to their rescue. It is time for a change in attitude, for all of us are affected when a life is destroyed by domestic violence.
Men have to learn that it is acceptable to intervene to stop the violence as when some men abuse it is all men that are tainted by their actions. If we feel unable to intervene alone we must get the support of family members and friends. We cannot afford to wait on the police to protect women, direct action is necessary to save lives.
The government has a responsibility to protect all of its citizens and ensure that they live lives free from fear of violence. The law has an important role to play in protecting women and the police force must be made accountable for its failings in upholding the law.
What is happening in Guyana? Why is the police force failing to protect women? Is it because too many of them are abusers themselves that they treat domestic violence as less serious a crime? The government has a responsibility to not only see that there are adequate laws to protect but that the police force is adequately trained and are accountable for their actions or inaction as the case might be.
The message has to be loud and clear that if anyone is abused the police will make an arrest. Instead of this we see the force failing to take action, often despite repeated desperate complaints. Too often even if action is taken the abuser is let off lightly. When we have government officials and members of the police force abusing women behind closed doors it will take a great deal of effort to bring about change in attitude and behaviour.
In the meantime women have to learn to protect themselves. For those not already trapped in a violent relationship having some sense of the type of man who will pose a future threat to their safety is important for their survival. From my experience of working with perpetrators of domestic violence I have observed that men who are extremely jealous, controlling and possessive are more likely to perpetrate. Of course at the beginning of a relationship these attributes can make a woman feel very special, but it is not long before the controlling behaviour creeps in –who were they talking to and what about? They are discouraged from having friends. This is especially dangerous as friends and family are cut off, leaving the victim dependent only on the partner. Woman need to check out the man’s attitude to women generally; is he disrespectful and abusive in his language to women? And of course in the early days of courting it is important to ask their opinion of domestic violence. Many perpetrators believe that women like men who beat them and some women have internalised the notion that ‘if my man don’ beat me he don’ love me’. Women must make it clear that they detest men who abuse women and taking action at the first instance of any violence is important or the violence can only get worse.
We must also teach our children that abuse of any kind is unacceptable. From my work I have learnt that hitting children is one of the root causes of domestic violence. When children are hit and told that ‘it is because we love them’, we confuse them about what loving is. It is not surprising that many grow up believing that abuse is a sign of love. We must teach our children that using violence is unacceptable, but we cannot do this if we continue to beat them as parents. Some argue that they have to ‘teach them a lesson’; the only lesson we teach is that violence is an acceptable way to control behaviour. These same boys grow up to be men who feel they can use violence to control their women.
If beating children did any good, as many believe, the Caribbean should have the most peaceful societies when you consider how much violence is done to children. Instead violence abounds, with shockingly high murder rates per capita in several countries in the region.
Women have to be aware that the most dangerous time for them is when they decide to leave a violent man. This is where state intervention is absolutely necessary. There are organisations like Red Thread that help women negotiate this difficult period and getting professional help is important. Providing protection for women escaping abusive situations – like enough safe houses and adequate resettlement arrangements – is an absolute responsibility and necessity of the government if women are to be protected.
Nothing will change until we get men to realise that hitting women is never acceptable. If a relationship is not working out it is time to move on –not abuse or kill.
(This is one of a series of fortnightly columns from Guyanese in the diaspora and others with an interest in issues related to Guyana and the Caribbean)
http://www.stabroeknews.com/2009/features/07/27/in-the-diaspora-69/